Uncle Bill's Silly Pages

Tux followed the ugly slobberring creature called Olivum further and further into the cave, he could barely make out anything in front of him when suddenly the creature dissapeared from sight. Tux heard a noise behind and as he started to trun around felt a blow on his head as the creature with the vile slobbering tongue struck him across the head, he fell to the floor and drifted into unconciousness.

Sometime later he awoke, there was a small fire burning and Olivum crouched beside it, Tux found he could'nt move as he seemd to be tied up in some sort of a berry plant. The creature realised that Tux had woken up and moved over to him, "hello my little tasty friend" he slobbered, "it's no use struggling, you won't get free from this plant, these are the berrys of Sains.

Tux had never heard of a Sains Berry before and stopped struggling, the creature pulled out a large knife and started chopping up some weeds on the floor before sprinkling them all over our hero, all the while muttering things like "pukka, mockney and luverley". It was then that Tux realised that he was about to become the next meal for this disgusting creature.

It looked at Tux, slobbered some more, raised it's knife in the air and just as it was about to plunge it into Tux, there was a huge flash. The creature dropped to it's knees and started shaking, "don't beats me it said, I was just hungery". A figure dressed in pink walked to wards Tux, it held a s

trange looking staff in it's hand which it pointed at Tux, the bonds that were holding him fell of and Tux was free again. "Who are you"? he said. In a deep but strangely feminine voice the figure replied "I am Glandshaft the Gay guardian of the Ring Piece of Stavros".

"Pleased to meet you" said Tux, "I've been looking for that". Tux then explained the mission he was on, Glandshaft explained that this fitted in with the prophecy of Cinammon the Brown, who also propecised that the land of Pornos would be cleansed of it's evils once the Ring Piece was removed.

Tux was taken even further into Glandshafts passage, at the far end stood another one of the Ring Pieces of Stavros. Tux picked up the ring piece and the wizard raised his staff, which had a large knob on the end and shouted "HALLITOSIS, EXPUNGEY ANUS". There was another flash and Tux was back at his TARBIS.

He decloaked the machine and entered it, a few minutes later the machine with the sound of a frog being strangled by a rabid Armadillo disappeared from view, a large explosion ripped the island apart, the sound of a small wretched creature shouting something that sounded like Pukka could be heard and then there was silence, large parts of the island had fallen into the sea and there were now only small parts left.

On board the TARBIS, Tux adjusted his course and made his way to the majestic city of Cardiff in the year 2011, the machine rematerialsed near the river, Tux opened the door and was hit by a strong smell of fish. Steps could be heard coming towards him, he turned to see a man in an old style coat walking towards him, his hand outstretched.

"I knew you'd come" said the man in a bad American accent, "my name is Captaing Jack Harness, welcome to Cardiff". Tux asked how Jack knew he was coming, Jack explained that he was part of an organisation that was dedicated to sorting out nasties from other places and a friend of his with a blue box had advised him of his arrival. Tux remembered the stranger that had helped him many times in the past and  then asked what was the name of the organisation and what was it with the smell of fish.

Jack smiled and said" I work for an organisation called TUXWOOD and as for the fish, come with me and I'll tell you".

Tux followed Jack to the front of a building, they stopped and the floor under them opened and they descended into a hue underground area full of all sorts of wonderous stuff such as an Iphone with a USB socket, a fully working French car and a ZX81 without a wobbly RAM Pack. Tux and Jack sat down and Jack said "imagine a world where a type of fish stopped dying".

Come back next time for Tux in:

TUXWOOD

Mackerel Day