Simon Mayo's Confessions
I always enjoyed listening to Simon Mayo years ago when Radio 1 was worth listening to. One of the highlight of the show was his confessions section. People wrote into the show confessing some deed they comitted and begged for forgivieness.
Thankfully the man is back with us on Radio 2 and he has re-instated his confession.
So here's a selection of them courtesy of the BBC.
Cow Bubble BathDear Father Simon, Seventeen years ago, when I was the tender age of four, ten minutes of innocent play has resulted in my conscience being darkened ever since. At the time, we lived on a dairy farm on the outskirts of Carlisle, and with no brothers or sisters then, very often there was very little to do, apart from watching the greatest team on earth, Carlisle United, every Saturday afternoon. One summer's day, bored with my sandpit, Tiny Tears and Tonka Trucks, I ventured into a field to play with the cows. The cows drank from an old cast iron bath in the middle of the field, although at the time I believed it was where they had their daily dip. Having watched my Mum wallow in a deep Radox bath, wouldn't it be lovely, I thought, if the cows could have a luxurious bubble bath too? I was sure my Mum wouldn't appreciate me using her bubble bath for the cows, so I decided to search in the farm sheds for some. Success! A lovely container of green bubble bath, marked with red lettering. I carried it back over the field to the bath and poured the liquid in, mixing it carefully with a stick. My bubble bath was forgotten about until several days later, when a convoy of vets, police cars and local newspapers arrived at our farm. Apparently, my 'bubble bath' was a container of concentrated weedkiller, and had resulted in the death of one cow and the severe illness of three others. The police suspected two local characters who had recently been released on bail on charges of arson at another farm, resulting in these men being brought into the station for questioning, but later being released. My parents and I had our photo taken for the local rag, with me holding the empty container of 'bubble bath' - I think the cutting is somewhere in our attic. I now wish to seek forgiveness for my actions seventeen years ago - forgiveness from my parents for their financial loss and disturbed state of mind (permanent), from the police for their wasted time, from the two men who were questioned by the police, and forgiveness from you. You should know that I am now a respectable law student, totally against animal cruelty and a member of Greenpeace. Anxiously awaiting your decision, Erica |
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